Honorable Mention – 2019 James H. Nash Contest
by STEVEN D. SCHROEDER
This book needs no introduction.
Don’t you know who this book is?
This book was decided by a single vote.
This book is everybody’s favorite.
Children and adults alike will love this book.
Love this book or leave it.
This book has to be seen to be believed.
This book as seen on TV.
This book is better than the movie.
This book has a great idea for a book.
This book is too good to be true.
This book is proudly made in America.
American history is made up of this book.
This book is made up.
This book is a trade secret.
This book slathers.
This book upsizes and upsells.
Buying this book earns triple reward points.
This book has an optional vacuum attachment.
This book is all about military hardware.
This book is a computer simulation.
There’s no I in this book.
This book gives 110% effort.
This book doesn’t trust statistics.
This book played offensive line in high school.
This book sweats the weakness out.
A glacier is on this book’s bucket list.
This book eats what it kills.
This book won’t shit where it eats.
This book wants a well-done steak.
This book wants to speak to the manager.
Talking money in this book is taboo.
Millennials are killing this book.
Why bring politics into this book?
This book doesn’t perceive color.
With all due respect this book.
Well actually this book.
This book is what she said.
This book buries its heartache far inside.
This book hears your backhanded comments.
This book is right behind you.
This book learns by watching you.
This book is always on.
This book isn’t over when it’s over.
Please obey this book’s instructions.
Avoid sudden loud noises near this book.
Maintain a straight sightline to this book.
Do not put this book in your eyes.
Do not overfeed this book’s ego.
Do not operate this book while intoxicated.
This book is a choking hazard.
This book is a leading cause of accidental pregnancy.
Symptoms of this book include nausea and anxiety.
There is no known cure for this book.
STEVEN D. SCHROEDER‘s second book, The Royal Nonesuch (Spark Wheel Press), won the Devil’s Kitchen Reading Award from Southern Illinois University. His poetry is available from New England Review, Crazyhorse, Pleiades, Michigan Quarterly Review, and Diagram. Poems have also appeared by invitation in city parks, public transit, and business waiting rooms. He works as a creative content manager for a financial marketing agency in St. Louis.